These Aren’t Tournament Legal, and With Good Reason

Yeah, Magic has their unhinged, unglued, un-sets, and yeah, there are some really weird cards in those. But we aren’t talking about those cards. We’re talking about cards that were printed in actual sets–like the ones you could play in a tournament legally. That means that every one of these cards went through several layers of approval and everyone involved went “Yeah, that looks legit to me!” We think that maybe they should have taken a second look, or even a third.

Maybe they weren’t the most well-loved, but these cards sure are the weirdest! So join us on this trip through Magic: The Gathering history and enjoy the 10 weirdest Magic: The Gathering cards ever printed.

Bee Sting

Okay, so mechanically speaking this card is fine, but we can’t get over the art. The barbarian running mostly naked away from a swarm of bees while his loincloth flaps in the wind just makes us shudder a little. Why is he wearing a helmet and almost nothing else? Who approved this art? Why did they do this? We don’t know, but we’re glad they later updated it and got rid of the mostly naked man (although a small, weird part of us misses him a little).

Frog Tongue

Again, this is cool in terms of function, but the art makes us even more uncomfortable than the last card. Getting reach and drawing a card for one forest? Awesome! Wrapping your tongue around (oh please say it’s just ‘around’) the backside of a very surprised sprite? Not so cool.Would not recommend.

Goblin Snowman

First off, we need to ask: why? We mean, sure, goblin hordes need to have fun too, but this should have been in an un-set. Yet here this frowning little jerk is — ready to annoy the crap out of you. Not only does it prevent all damage to it and that it would do, it can then ping your attacking creature for 1 damage — we’re assuming just to be rude. We want to melt him to make this card go away.

Unlikely Alliance

Well, this is awkward. We mean, this card would do a good job of stopping someone from ruining your day by killing your creatures with -X/-X cards, but this art shows the most awkward wedding to ever take place on this (or any) plane. We support love in all its forms, and we’re happy they’re happy, but we’re not sure we want it in our deck. Our advice? Just shuffle it into your sideboard and maybe forget about it.

Orcish Librarian

Isn’t this a goblin? We think this “orc” has a case of mistaken identity. This is clearly a goblin chewing on a pretty thick tome (that’s not how you absorb knowledge, by the way). Book eating aside… what is going on in this art? Why would anyone hire him? We think there must have been a LOT of oversight to make this employment situation come to be.

Naked Singularity

All we want to say is: Good luck, everyone. Mechanically it’s interesting, but building a deck with this in mind would be tough. Honestly, it sounds like it would screw you over just as much as your opponent. Trying to remember what your land just became is going to be rough. Not only that, but also hope against hope you have the color your mana became in your deck. Otherwise, you’re basically out of luck for the rest of the game. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Divine Intervention

For when you feel like playing Magic: the Gathering, but also don’t want to worry about that pesky winning and losing nonsense. Might as well just have a three turn countdown to a draw. Good game, everyone. Hope you weren’t invested in the outcome.

Ayesha Tanaka

Summon Legend is correct. When we first saw this card, we thought KISS was announcing their newest member. The way she stares directly into your soul makes this card even more unsettling. Look at that gaze. She is either going to start singing a rock song at the top of her lungs, or she is going to block some Artifact effects. All we know is this: if we drew her, we would discard her just to stop that terrible stare. No thanks.

Goblin Game

This is another card that belongs in an un-set. Whoever approved this card for standard back in the day did not think through how stupid this would be in actual play. Everyone grab some stuff and hide it! Whoever has the least amount of stuff loses half their life. In a two player game, you have a fifty/fifty chance of screwing yourself over. What’s even worse is everyone but the loser loses life equal to the items they are holding. Who would ever want to use this?


This card is… well, it’s messed up. Just put your current game on hold and play another game of Magic with what’s left of your library. Don’t worry, the tournament can wait. Game-ception has to happen. There has been so much said about this card, we can’t even figure out how to make fun of it in a new and interesting way. So we will finish with an outdated meme: Yo dawg, we heard you like Magic, so we put a game in your game so you can battle while you battle.

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Written by Gemr
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