My fellow collectors: our hobby faces an unprecedented crisis – the influx of outlandish political collectibles.
Though many have long accepted the existence of campaign bumper stickers and derogatory political t-shirts, our great nation may not be able to bare the burden of housing these ludicrous, ridiculous, and outright unbelievable items. We the people, in order to form a more perfect pastime, must rise up and do our part in recognizing when politics gets too silly for its own good. It is our duty to understand that the right to make the following gags and novelties is not a right, but a privilege, and those who may have abused these principles must be held accountable.
For those who wish to see the absolute zaniest of political collectibles ever seen, we have chronicled them below so that our children and grandchildren will never forget what our hobby has endured. Remember, ask not what your collectibles can do for you, ask what you can do for your collectibles.
10: George Washington Centennial Hatchet
As children, many of us heard the classic story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree, only to confess the crime to his father saying “I cannot tell a lie.” It is a simple tale that teaches the virtue of honesty, yet here’s an item commemorating the very tool used by Washington to commit his wrongdoing.
This 1889 antique was made to celebrate the 100th anniversary of Washington’s inauguration as the first president of the United States, and it has only become harder to find after another 100 years.
9: Scott Walker’s Expensive Book
If you are a proud supporter of Scott Walker, then does he have the deal for you: you can own a signed and personalized copy of Unintimidated for the low price of $300.
To his credit, the price has fluctuated throughout the years, but we’re still talking about a book that has gone for a higher price than a Nintendo Wii U.
8: Politician Trading Cards
If the battle between Republicans and Democrats is more thrilling to you than the battle between the Yankees and the Red Sox, then good news: collectible political trading cards actually exist and are available for purchase.
From Barack Obama to Sarah Palin, the Executive Trading Cards contains stats and figures that include voting attendance and religious affiliation. You can even order them in booster packs similar to Pokemon cards or Magic The Gathering cards!
7: Feel The Purr Pin
Bernie Sanders has mobilized young political activists with his promises to restore the middle class and make education affordable, and this message has also resonated well with… cat lovers.
In addition to the pin, “Feel the Purr” items include t-shirts, coffee mugs, and more. The demand for these items is apparently that huge!
6: Reagan Paper Doll Set
With her recent passing fresh in many of our minds, the nation has yet to finish commemorating the legacy of former First Lady Nancy Reagan. It is for this reason we say with great fondness that this paper doll set of the Reagan family is pretty silly.
That said, we bet Nancy herself would approve of anyone getting a chuckle out of this playset from a different time.
5: Ron Paul Flip Flops
Rand Paul turned some heads with his signature “Stand with Rand” footwear, yet his father had broken into the shoe business years earlier… and he didn’t even have a catch phrase to base it on!
There is obvious irony in being featured on a product that reads as if he “flip-flops” on important issues, but we digress.
4: Winners Aren’t Losers
Donald Trump has put his name on towers, steaks, and even a Real Estate Tycoon video game, but his shift to politics has seen him become a children’s book author as well.
Okay, technically this was a book ghost-written by Jimmy Kimmel for an episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live!, and Trump himself is not officially selling the book in any capacity. However, replicas have sprung up in the show’s wake, meaning those who want to learn the teachings of Trump can do so in rhyme.
3: Barack Obama Bottle Stopper
Barack Obama should be taken seriously as the President of the United States, and this Obama Bottle Stopper does absolutely nothing to help that cause.
Even his bust on the item itself does not look amused.
As we all know, during the zombie apocalypse that did not actually happen anytime between 2000 and 2008, one of the first victims was the guarded-by-the-secret-service-at-all-times President of the United States. This of course explains why this zombified George W. Bush action figure exists.
There are zombified versions of other politicians out there, but it does not seem the company ever gave this treatment to our current president. Maybe Obama is exempt from being reduced to such a ridiculous figurine.
1: Japanese Barack Obama Action Figure
We take that back.
What is this.
Why is Obama holding that gun? Haven’t they been paying attention to how he feels about guns!?
Let us be clear: Obama may have promised change we can believe in, but we cannot believe that this one exists – for real.
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